Beta Blagging: Bar Essentials

I don't maintain a home bar, more of a selection of flasks hidden in cupboards so that I don't find them all should I bring people back at 3 in the morning when all sensibility is gone.

Unlike food, where freshness is key, liquor maintains for an extended period - not 'forever' as some people imagine but long enough for the right occasion to occur. As such it's easy to build up a bit of a collection when you have the funds and enjoy it when you don't.

Anybody who reacts to the following list by questioning the 'essential' nature of the items needs to grow up. Fast.

Spirits/Liqueurs

Young Cuban Rum (e.g. Havana Club, Matusalem) - Dry, fresh, citrusy and the perfect answer to a hot, sunny day. The bottle really should say 'just add lime.'

If it were a sportstar: Cuban all star high jumper Javier Sotomayor - lively, zesty and, in his field, unmatched.

Peaty Islay Malt (e.g. Lagavulin, Ardbeg) - Full of character and conversation.

If it were a sportstar: Scottish former Liverpool manager Bill Shankly - Fiery and assertive but after the initial venom, makes perfect sense.

Aperol - Maybe it's just me, but I adore this stuff. Made with bitter orange and rhubarb and, at just about 11% ABV, essentially harmless.

If it were a sportstar: Former Italian footballer and current West Ham manager Gianfranco Zola - lightweight and a little camp but pound-for-pound genius.

Dry Gin (e.g. Tanqueray, Millers) - Not just for your gran.

If it were a sportstar: Gold medal ice skater Jayne Torvill - Classically English, reserved, elegant and always better on ice with a partner.

Something Special - It's no fun if there's not one item that makes you salivate at the thought of its rare nectar. Perhaps a 20 year old Brora or Chateau Audry XO or some Grappa (notes taken from last year's letter to Santa).

If it were a sportstar: Portuguese footballer Cristiano Ronaldo - Seems like a luxury at first and you always pay through the nose but worth every penny.

Wines

Brut Champagne (e.g. Henriot, Billecart-Salmon, Ruinart) - Even cheap champagne is reasonably expensive and the market is full of pretty average mass produced options. If you get it right, you'll forget the need for a celebration.

If it were a sportstar: Former world's most expensive footballer Zinedine Zidane - Undeniably French despite roots elsewhere, travels well and definitely the man for the big occasion.

Alsatian Riesling (e.g. Weinbach, Zind-Humbrecht) - Pure, steely focused white wines that match so many dishes and are also delicious on their lonesome.

If it were a sportstar: Five-time Tour de France and Giro d'Italia winner Eddy Merckx - Racy, intense, classy and versatile.

Chianti (eg. Montegiachi, Cellole) - Perfect food wines made from Sangiovese and now, particularly from the 01' and 04' vintages, fantastic value.

If it were a sportstar: Inter Milan- Did not offer a lot in the eighties and nineties but now, with new direction, better than ever.

Australian Cabernet Sauvignon (e.g. Mitolo, Heartland) - Ripe, voluptuous stand-alone wines to savour.

If it were a sportstar: Aussie swimmer and triple gold medalist Stephanie Rice - Dark, muscular, sexy and at the height of her powers.

Red Burgundy (e.g. Antonin Rodet, Rollin) - Delicate and brilliant wines that can stretch the purse strings but everybody, everybody should get the chance to try some of the best wines from the region.

If it were a sportstar: Refined waistcoat wearing Tennis ace Roger Federer - Best. Ever.

Fortified

Dry Sherry (e.g. Lustau) - Daphne: What about someone from your wine club?
Frasier: Oh well truth be told Daphne, those people are insufferable bores unless they have a glass in their hands. Sherry, Niles?
Niles: Please.

If it were a sportstar: Former Spanish footballer Luis Suarez - Almost forgotten now but used to be all the rage and even in modern viewing, genius.

Single Quinta Port (e.g. Vesuvio, Roriz) - Bold, rich and modern wines that are an inexpensive alternative to proper vintage port.

If it were a sportstar: Inter Mialn boss Jose Mourinho - Not been around long but here to stay and always good value.

Recioto/TBA/Sauternes/PX....or some such sticky dessert wine - As a fan of seemingly everlasting dinners, an excuse for another course or drink is too good to pass up.

If it were a sportstar: Golfer Miguel Jimenez - Good fun and always better with a cigar.