Thursday, 24 September 2009

Premiership Power Rankings

Last week's 10 games provided 34 goals and bags of entertainment. Pretty much guarantees that this round of games will be about as much fun as listening to David Platt commentate on Carling Cup tie, featuring, oh, say Man Utd and Wolves? Thrilling...

1. Chelsea (played 6, points 18, No Change) - Still winning. Still playing well. Still top. Probably the only team in the league without defensive concerns.

2. Man Utd (p 6, pts 15, NC) - The good: Wayne Rooney's form, Ryan Giggs' longevity, Michael Owen's timing. The bad: Edwin Van der Sar's injury, Rio Ferdinand's fitness, Dimitar Berbatov's profligacy. Yet to convince.

3. Man City (p 5, pts 12, NC) - Their first loss of the year came away from home, at the champions, without arguably their two best players, thanks to a 96th minute goal. No need to panic.

4. Liverpool (p 6, pts 12, NC) - Not making it easy for themselves and not as sturdy at the back as they were last year but, in Fernando Torres, they have the league's premier marksman.

5. Arsenal (p 5, pts 9, Up 1) - 26 goals scored and 11 conceded in their 9 games played so far this year. Can they finish higher than 3rd?

6. Aston Villa (p 5, pts 12, Up 1) - 6 straight wins and 4 straight clean sheets in all competitions. Gabi Agbonlahor has also hit the net in each of the last four - should he be in Capello's squad for the World Cup?

7. Tottenham (p 6, pts 12, Dn 2) - Consecutive defeats to big-four sides may have dented optimism at the lane a little but here's their next four fixtures; Burnley (h), Bolton (a), Portsmouth (a), Stoke (h). Plus, they've got the back-heeling, robot-dancing, sky-reaching Peter Crouch.

8. Sunderland (p 6, pts 9, NC) - Well, everyone loses at Turf Moor...

9. Everton (p 5, pts 6, Up 4) - Seemingly back on track with their comfortable victory over Blackburn. Seemingly prematurely rising these rankings but I'm in a good mood and Phil Jagielka just got robbed; he needs some good news.

10. Stoke (p 6, pts 8, Dn 1) - Survived Blackpool in the Carling Cup but will have to step up if they are to beat their next opponents; Manchester United.

11. Fulham (p 5, pts 6, Dn 1) - 26 goals in 139 games. That's Andrew Johnson, Diomansy Kamara, Erik Nevland and Bobby Zamora's combined goal tally since joining the West Londoners.

12. Burnley (p 6, pts 9, Up 2) - Prediciton I; Burnley lose to Spurs by at least 2 goals this weekend.

13. West Ham (p 5, pts 4, Dn 2) - My favourite Carlton Cole chant (to the tune of 'Gold') Carlton Cole, goal, Always believe in your soul, You've got the power to know, Your indestructible, Always believe in, Carlton Cole, goal...

14. Birmingham (p 6, pts 7, Up 3) - Prediciton II; the Blues will never open Match of the Day this season.

15. Wolves (p 6, pts 7, Up 3) - Michael Kightly and Sylvain Ebanks-Blake are on the way back to lend some needed quality and potency. They go to Sunderland next.

16. Blackburn (p 5, pts 4, Dn 4) - El Hadji-Diouf can't stay out of trouble, Chris Samba can't be a forward and Sam Allardyce can't escape the fans ire.

17. Wigan (p 6, pts 6, Dn 2) - Totally abused by United and Arsenal this year. Let's see what Chelsea do with the lightweight Latics.

18. Bolton (p 5, pts 4, Up 1) - Prediction III; if Wanderers don't beat Birmingham this Saturday, they'll be in the bottom 3 come November.

19. Hull (p 6, pts 4, Dn 3) - I guess if your team plays in Amber and Black, and you're the devoted kind, then you have no choice but to look like a seedy strip club owner from the Costa Brava circa 1983. Not a great look there Phil.

20. Portsmouth (p 6, pts 0, NC) - Performed well at the Villa and earned a second straight Carling Cup victory in midweek. What? They could stay up...honestly...ok, they've gone...sorry about that...yeah...no chance...

NFL Week 2: Thoughts and Notes

Jerry Jones, Jason Garrett and Jason Witten love him. Jessica Simpson, Drew Bledsoe and Tony Dorsett really don’t. Dorsett, the former Cowboys great, said “the thing is this: You have a guy who hasn't done much, and quarterbacks in the NFL, most of them go through this growing curve. He hasn't gone through that growing curve, but he was anointed this great player all of a sudden. Now he's having to live up to that. And obviously Tony has some deficiencies." Let’s not get to what Simpson or Bledsoe said…

The biggest slight against the anointed Dallas star is his ability to win the big game. A look back at probably the 5 most important games of his career certainly consolidate that theory:

NFC Divisional Game, Sunday, January 13th 2008 vs. New York Giants
18-36, 201 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, lost 21-17.
Cowboys finish 13-3 and are the no.1 seeds in the NFC, fall at home to the Giants.

NFC Wildcard Game, Sunday January 6th 2007 vs. Seattle Seahawks
17-29, 189 yards, 1 TD, lost 21-20.
Romo fumbles the snap on the game-winning field goal attempt.

Week 17, Sunday December 28th 2008 vs. Philadelphia Eagles
21-39, 183 yards, 1 INT, lost 44-6
Cowboys get humiliated in an end of season playoff to make the postseason.

Week 2, Sunday September 20th, 2009 vs. Giants
13-29, 127 yards, 1 TD, 3 INT, lost 33-31
Romo underperforms as the Cowboys open their new stadium against their heated rivals.

Week 7, Monday October 23rd 2006 vs. New York Giants
14-25, 227 yards, 2 TD’s, 3 INT’s, lost 36-22.
Romo comes off the bench to replace Drew Bledsoe; his first pass is tipped for an Interception.

Tony Romo and about 105,000 disconcerted Cowboys fans can be seen this Monday night. In the spotlight. On the jumbo-mumbo-tron. In HD. Fortunately for all concerned, Jake Delhomme and the Panthers are in town to make Romo look good.

The Rams have 7 points after 2 games. They’re on pace for 56 total points.

What a catch by Andre Johnson. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccGFLRMPwUo He caught 10 balls for 149 yards and 3 scores.

Has anyone gained 284 total yards in an easier fashion than Chris Johnson? Untouched on plays of 57, 69 and 91 yards, all for touchdowns. Johnson’s average rush on carries 1-10 is 11.8 yards but on carries 11-20 it is just 1.7 yards.

In his NFL Career, Felix Jones has rushed for 384 yards on 14 carries and carries a 8.93 average yard per carry.

Darren Sproles has 524 all-purpose yards. He’s on pace for 4,192 yards.

The Lions have lost their first 2 games for the past eight straight years. Hasn’t been their decade to be honest. The Matt Millen legacy endures.

Brett Favre’s longest pass play through 2 weeks is 21 yards, his only pass over 20 yards.
Antwan Odom had 5 sacks against the Packers and already has 7 this season. He had only 3 all last year and only 15.5 in his 5 year career coming into 2009.

Greg Jennings, who had 6 catches for 106 yards against the Bears, was held without a single catch against the Bengals. His team have a league-high 8 dropped passes to this point.

Charles Woodson had 2 picks versus the Bengals and now has 21 since 2006.

Kurt Warner completed 24 of 26 passes for 243 yards and 2 TD’s against the Jags to break the all-time single game record for pass completion percentage. Tom Brady holds the post season record for his performance in the 07’ playoffs, going 26 of 28 for 263 yards and 3 TD’s. The opponent? The Jags.

There were 9 fumbles shared between Arizona (5) and Jacksonville (4).

The Chiefs more than doubled the Raiders in yards (409-166) and almost did the same in time of possession (38:39-21:21). They lost 13-10.

The Bengals were 4/4 in the Red Zone.

JaMarcus Russell only went 7 of 24 but 6 were for first downs. He has just a 36.7% passing completion % in the 1st half. That’s excellent compared to his 2nd half performance; 33.3%. Despite this, he has the highest yard per completion average at 16.7%.

The Redskins went 0 for 5 in the Red Zone.

Darren Sharper has 3 INT’s, 176 yards return yards and a TD already this season. He is the active leader in Interceptions (57), Interceptions returned for TD’s (9) and Interception return yards (1,212).

The Bills went 0 for 4 in the Red Zone.

Last year, the Dolphins, Chargers and Vikings all began the season 0-2 and made the playoffs. Of the current crop, the Titans, Panthers, Jags and Dolphins have killer schedules and the Browns, Lions, Bucs and Rams are pretty terrible. That leaves the Chiefs with a new QB, new coach and 4 games coming up against the NFC East. Only 3 teams since 1990 have begun the year 0-3 and qualified for the postseason.

The Chargers went 0 for 5 in the Red Zone.

Frank Gore, a week after averaging 1.4 yards per carry, ran for 207 yards on 16 carries, 12.9 yards per carry. His 80 and 79 yard TD runs were the longest two runs of his career.

The Cowboys outrushed the Giants (251-97) and went 4/4 in the Red Zone in comparison to New York’s 0 for 5. And lost of course.

Mario Manningham and Steve Smith have combined for 20 catches and 284 yards. Where’s Plax? Starting his 2-year jail sentence.

Eli Manning’s 330 yards on 25 for 38 passing, plus 2 TD’s, were his fourth most in his career, all achieved away from home. Tony Romo threw for just 127 yards, 13 for 29, 1 TD and 3 INT’s, the second lowest total of his career.

Roy Williams, penned as the Cowboys go-to guy, has just 27 receptions in his last 13 games. No wide receiver had more than a single catch against the Giants.

Matt Forte has 84 yards on 38 carries and just 117 total yards. Steve Slaton has 51 yards on 26 carries and just 111 total yards. Slaton also has a league-leading 3 fumbles.

Johnny Knox, a 22 year old rookie drafted in the 5th round by the Bears, has 152 yards receiving.

Elvis Dumervil, who sacked Brady Quinn 4 times on Sunday, now has 30 career sacks and 7 career multi-sack games.

Miami gained 27 1st downs, were successful in converting 71% of their 3rd downs, 239 rushing yards, 84 total plays and had possession for 45:07 minutes…and lost.

Of all NFL starters, Brett Favre (265) has the least passing yards. Phillip Rivers (688), on the back of 436 yard performance against the Ravens, has the most.

Biggest names on Injured Reserve: Jamal Williams (DT, Chargers), Brad Butler (T, Bills), Shawn Andrews (G, Eagles), Stewart Bradley (LB, Eagles), Harry Douglas (WR, Falcons), Peria Jerry (DT, Falcons), Brian Urlacher (LB, Bears), Adam Carricker (DT, Rams), Walt Harris (CB, 49ers).
Oh, some guy called Mike Vick returns to the NFL this week.

Eli Manning (8) has the most 25+ yard passing plays after week 2. Kyle Orton is second (7) but his longest is just 37 yards, last in the AFC.

Tom Brady is on pace for 800 passing attempts. He has already hurled the rock 100 times and has been sacked only once. That’s the same amount as Antwaan Randle El. He wasn’t sacked against the Jets but was pressured and harried all day, resulting in a lack of rhythm, no touchdowns and his hair being all out of place as he threw his helmet to the floor.

Aaron Rodgers has been sacked 10 times in just 77 pass attempts and has now lost LT Chad Clifton for a couple of games. They will travel to the Vikes (and their dominating D-line) in week 4...

Drew Brees may have the highest pass completion % in the 4th quarter but has only thrown the ball 7 times (6 completions). Ben Roethlisberger is 21/26 in two tough games (including OT) against strong defences, an 80.8 pass completion %.

Mark Sanchez (70%, 7/10) has the highest completion % in the NFL on 3rd down with 8+ yards remaining. Marc Bulger is at the other end of the spectrum, 0 for 9 at 0%. A big reason why the Jets are 2-0 and the Rams are 0-2.

The QB you want on 3rd down in the NFC? Jason Campbell apparently. He has converted 55.6% of pass attempts into 1st downs to lead the conference. And who don’t you want? Kurt Warner so the stats say, only 27.8% of his passes have lead to 1st downs.

Drew Brees has a 146.0 QB rating in the 2nd half of games. Great stat but no surprise. So you want a surprise? Kyle Orton (152.1) and Tony Romo (141.4) lead their conferences in QB rating in the 4th quarter. Another one? Oh go on, I’ll spoil you. Peyton Manning, yes 3-time MVP Peyton Manning, has a 16.7 QB rating inside the Red Zone.

Drew Brees has a 155.6 QB rating from the shotgun. That’s simply ridiculous. Hear me Drew? Ridiculous!

Big games for this week; Falcons @ Patriots, Titans @ Jets, 49ers @ Vikings, Colts @ Cardinals and Panthers @ Cowboys on Monday Night Football.

The Broncos have conceded only 13 points. I thought Josh McDaniels was a defensive guru?
Adrian Peterson (8) has the most 10+ yard runs. Of the next 6 on the list, Chris Johnson (6) and DeAngelo Williams (6) were obvious, Marion Barber (7) and Ronnie Brown (6) were potentials but Cedric Benson (7) and Fred Jackson (6)? Wow.

It’s early in the season but Mike Bell (3/3 on 3rd down and <3 yards) may have helped solve the Saints running woes.

Only 9 backs have rushed more than 20 times in a game so far this season; all but 2 have averages under 4.4 yards on those carries. Fred Jackson has gained an impressive 6.6 yards per carry and Adrian Peterson, yes future MVP Adrian Peterson, has averaged a whopping 18.4 yards per carry. He also has the 2nd highest average on 1st and 10 (10.1) only trailing Frank Gore (13.0).

Terrell Owens; 1 year, $6.5million, 5 catches, 98 yards, 2 drops.

Laveraneus Coles; 4 years, $28million, 3 catches, 20 yards, 3 drops.

Steve Smith has been targeted a league-high 28 times. Unfortunately, and somewhat endemically of his team’s troubles, only has 11 catches.

Game of the week - Giants 33 - 31 Cowboys. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry; not how you wanted that to go now was it?

Stat of the week - only 7 of the winning teams from week 2 outgained their opponents. Numbers eh? What do they mean? Probably not the way to end this piece…

Winner of the week - Jay Cutler and da Bears. Knocking off the Superbowl champs and seeing their star QB look like a star QB.

Loser of the week - The Dolphins. How did they lost that game again?

Play of the week - Ray Lewis shooting the gap to stop Darren Sproles on 4th and 2. That’s a thing of beauty. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldY2pInMyR4&feature=PlayList&p=EF225B6015730439&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7

Player of the week - 25-39, 357 yards, 4 TD’s @ the Titans. We’ve been fooled before but this could be seen as the coming out party for Matt Schaub and a Texans playoff team.

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Upset Alert!

Now, this may be hard to believe, but I'm not psychic. It's not for a lack of trying. No, in fact I have a psychic coach by the name of 'stargazing' Stella and she says I'm getting close. Real close. And don't you get all cynical on me, I was unsure too before I met her but, that first time we crossed paths, Stella told me that she knew that I'd be coming! Crazy huh?

Anyways, psychic or not, I do consider myself the footballing next-pert (I thought that was real clever, trademark beta blogger) so let's figure out where the upsets may lie in this week's Carling Cup ties. If nothing else, it will be good practice for when the real competitions begin.

A few games to pick at:

Arsenal v West Brom - Why it won't be an upset: Because the Gunners have yet another imperious crop of youngsters for Arsene Wenger to call upon. Because Arsenal have made at least the quarter-finals for the last 6 years and because West Brom, while they do play some delightful football, can't cope with the pace and ability of the Premiership outfit. Because Wilshere and Ramsey are excellent.

Chelsea v QPR - Why it won't be an upset: Because, although Rangers did manage to defeat Aston Villa at Villa Park in the third round last year and are performing well this season, Chelsea are very strong at home and have won every game under Ancelotti. Because Joe Cole and Yuri Zhirkov are set to play and, well, they're a bit good.

Leeds v Liverpool - Why it won't be an upset: Because Liverpool will play a strong team and will have the likes of Gerrard and Torres to call upon if needed. Because it will be on Sky Sports - the home of the un-unpsets. Because I started this late and Liverpool have already kicked off and look pretty decent.

Aston Villa v Cardiff - Why it might be an upset: Because, despite the fact that Villa have lost at home to Championship sides in each of the last two seasons, they have won their last 4 and have kept 3 consecutive clean sheets. Because Cardiff, unfortunately, are not in good form having lost 3 of their last 4 and have not beaten a top-flight team in over 20 years. Because, although they there's little reason to believe they can, Cardiff can claw onto the 'magic' of the (Carling) cup... Why isn't there a sarcasm font on here?

Nottingham Forest v Blackburn - Why it might be an upset: Because Blackburn are low on confidence and are struggling to score goals. Because, in spite of Forest's mediocre start, poor head to head record and recent lack of form in the Carling Cup, this seems prime upset material at the home that Cloughie (a 4-time League Cup winner) built.

Stoke v Blackpool - Why it might be an upset: Just because. Alright?

Preston v Tottenham - Why it will be an upset: Because Spurs are missing Woodgate, Dawson, King and Bassong at the back. Because Preston have begun the year well and have a physical front pairing of Parkin and Mellor. Because Tottenham are due a loss in the competition, having made the last two finals and because Stella thinks so. So there.

Monday, 21 September 2009

Premiership Post Game

Thoughts from the latest round of Premiership fixtures;

Whatever Carlo Ancelotti may say, Didier Drogba’s calf injury could derail Chelsea’s strong start. The forward has been at his best for three years, leads the line and leads the league in shots. Presuming his injury is as bad as first feared, Nicolas Anelka will be the only natural striker and, without the Ivorian’s physicality, Lampard and Ballack may struggle for the space that has seen the pair, indeed the team, start so fast.

‘3 goals in 33 games for Portsmouth. 2 goals in 35 minutes for Burnley.’ The David Nugent story.

Thomas Vermaelen has 3 goals in 5 games. I thought they signed a centre back?

Burnley have 9 ever presents so far this campaign, more than any other team.

Robbie Keane was absolutely right; if it’s not a penalty - which it looked like it was - then he should be booked. Howard Webb, as so may refs do, took to the easy option. The FA needs to redefine the laws of the game in this regard and add some clarity to these decisions.

Ledley King, determined to work his way into England’s World Cup squad, is far too much of a liability. He can’t train, he is beyond injury prone and, despite his ability, could easily be unavailable for every game England play.

Louis Saha has 4 goals in 4 appearances, all at home. He has not played more than 24 games or scored more than 8 goals in 5 years.

Chelsea, Man United, Arsenal, Man City and Burnley are the only teams with 100% home records.

George Graham can’t be happy. 25 goals have been scored in games involving the Gunners this year, 5 per fixture.

Birmingham City have not scored before the 75th minute of a game this season and only hit the net 3 times in total.

Ok, so there were 6 minutes of injury time in the Manchester derby. Too much? Maybe, even considering the substitution and Craig Bellamy’s equaliser, but it always appears to happen at Old Trafford. It was easy to appreciate Mark Hughes’ anger and anguish but his attention should be turned towards his defence and in particular Micah Richards, out of position for United’s first and last goals.

Michael Owen. Meet the United faithful. Faithful. Meet Michael Owen, worth the manager’s faith with one well-placed, dramatic finish.

Craig Bellamy scored a screamer and earned an equaliser. Oh, and smacked a fan. If ever there was a 90-minute (ish) display of the man‘s talent and temperament, this was it. There’s a 3-match ban in the offing for his moment of madness.

Did anyone else think that Ben Foster, clearly to blame for the first goal, went to ground far too easily for the third? His form has not been as hoped for by his boss at both at either Domestic or International level.

Chelsea have outscored opponents 10-0 in the second half.

Manchester United have outscored opponents 11-2 in the second half.

Liverpool have conceded more goals than any other side in the 15 minutes before the break.

Here's why I think Bolton could be in real trouble; They have no clean sheets to date. Their only points have come from an 89th minute winner at Portmouth and an 89th minute equaliser at home to Stoke. They've already lost to Sunderland and Hull. Who scores the goals? Kevin Davies had a career best 12 league goals a year ago but has never broken into double digits in any other season. Top scorers this term? Matt Taylor and Tamir Cohen with 2. Who's impacting off the bench? The notable participants end after Ivan Klasnic and Ricardo Gardner. The Johan Elmander factor. And their next 6 fixtures? Birmingham (a), Tottenham (h), Man Utd (a), Everton (h), Chelsea (h) and Aston Villa (a). With me?

Portsmouth have not lead in a game this season.

Wigan, in two games against Arsenal and Man United, have been outscored 9-0.

Fulham’s European gamble failed to pay off; after resting 9 first team players in the draw at CSKA Sofia, they were beaten 2-1 by Wolves, their third defeat in four games.

Petr Cech has only had made 7 saves in 6 games this season. I’m not sure that’s good or bad. On that note…

Sunday, 20 September 2009

NFL Nicknames and Musings

In light of the Saints v Eagles game that's just kicked off, I began to focus on the 2006 NFL draft. New Orleans were considered to have stumbled on its birthday, Christmas and Hannukah gifts all in one when Houston selected Mario Williams from North Carolina State, leaving them to pick USC star and Barry Sanders impersonator, Reggie Bush.

In hindsight - and hopefully neither player is near finalising their legacy - the Texans may have made a masterstroke in avoiding the injury-prone and lightweight back in favour of Williams who, after a tough opening year due to injury and a pretty horrendous Texans team, has flourished into an elite DE and a Pro Bowler. Super Mario has 26 sacks, 6 forced fumbles and 77 tackles in the last two seasons whilst starting every game. He is still just 24.

Bush, now essentially a specialist, averages 3.7 yards per carry in his career, has never started more than 10 games a year, never run for more than 581 yards a year, has seen his receptions dip every year and has 24 total touchdowns and 15 fumbles to date. He was one of the most dangerous punt/kick returners last season.

Indeed, the top-10 of what was considered a strong draft pool have struggled to deliver; Vince Young (3) is on the bench - and probably counselling - in Tennessee, D'Brickashaw Ferguson (4) has become a solid but not a star LT for the Jets, A.J Hawk (5) has just 7.5 sacks in three seasons although has played inside regularly and is a strong part of the Packer's linebacking corps, Vernon Davis (6) really hasn't translated his phenomenal athletic attributes to the 49ers or the NFL, Michael Huff (7) has just 1 career INT and has been benched in Oakland, Donte Whitner (8) and Ernie Sims (9), like Huff, have not made enough plays on defence for Buffalo and Detroit respectively and Matt Leinart is cleaning Kurt Warner's boots in Arizona.

The remainder of the first round has delivered some gems though; Jay Cutler (11) is the draft's premier QB, Haloti Ngata (12) is a fierce and destructive force in Baltimore and could be on the verge of being one of the game's dominant players, Antonio Cromartie (19), when healthy, has been a tremendous ball hawk and physical corner, Santonio Holmes (25) was last year's Superbowl MVP for the Steelers and Nick Mangold (29) is amongst the best Centers in the league and also the leader of the Jet's O-Line.

The second round gave us former NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year Demeco Ryans (33), Titans steamroller Lendale White (45), San Diego Left Tackle Marcus McNeill (50), Packers Wideout Greg Jennings (52), Bears returnman turned receiver, 'Anytime' Devin Hester (57) and Jaguars RB and all-around living legend, 'Pocket Hercules' Maurice Jones-Drew (60).

The steals of the draft? Round 4; Owen Daniels (98), Jahri Evans (108), Leon Washington (117), Brandon Marshall (119), Elvis Dumervil (126)

Special mention to two of the best at their position drafted in Round 7; the Titans Pro Bowl CB Cortland Finnegan (215) and Saints WR Marques Colston (252).

Oh, and I came up with a bunch of hee-larious nicknames should any of the franchises be renamed today.

AFC East

New England Hoodies - Before Brady and after Brady, there will be Belichik.

New York Hand Me Downs - The Giant’s slow, sexually confused, insecure, little brother. And I don’t even like the Giants.

Miami PLC - What? You don’t own part of this team?

Buffalo Suicide Booths - Even before Leodis McKelvin there was wide right…

AFC North

Cincinnati ochoNFLcinco85 @Twitter.com - Pretty much the only reason to tune in.

Pittsburgh Smugness - Ok, so you’ve won a bunch of Superbowls, have a lengthy list of Hall of Famers, had 3 coaches in about 1,000 years, you’re perfect. Just shut up about it.

Baltimore Ex-Wives - Tough. As. Nails.

Cleveland Browns - Paul Brown, Jim Brown, kinda uninspiring to look at. Sums up the franchise perfectly.

AFC South

Indianapolis Guy’s behind the Guy’s - Peyton might get all the marketing deals but it’s Bill Polian that has built this team.

Jacksonville Blackouts - The future of the franchise. Think it was a mistake starting another team in Florida?

Houston <:attach>

Tennessee Toilers -Titans + Oilers = Toilers. God I hope nobody has thought of that before.

AFC West

San Diego Strippers - Looks great but doesn’t get the job done.

Denver Millenium Bugs - Ah, so Y2K was real. Things were going so well before 2000.

Kansas City Hangovers - Always better at home.

Oakland Anti -Christs - Catchy, but maybe not evil enough for Al Davis.

NFC East

New York Catch Against David Tyree’s Fu*&%ng Helmets - Get over it?! You get fu*&%ng over it!

Dallas Joneses - Write the theme tune, sing the theme tune…

Philadelphia Hoi Polloi - Inappropriately deemed as ‘elite’ and in fact merely the rabble, the masses, the hecklers. Meet the Philadelphia faithful.

Washington Umbrellas - So much money they could make it rain every week.

NFC North

Chicago Fuzzy Kittens - See. Not so scary now are they.

Green Bay No.4’s - In honour of the QB formally known as Brett Favre.

Minnesota Hobbits - Bear with me here. Their season’s so often tell a story reminiscent of the Lord of the Rings trilogy; great start, great middle, terrible ending.

Detroit‘s Other Sports Team - ‘So you play for the Lions huh?…cooooooool….’

NFC South

New Orleans Hurricanes - Too soon?

Atlanta Cat People - Yes. It’s a Mike Vick joke. Breathe. Breathe. Keep breathing…

Carolina Lost - Can’t seem to put good back-to-back seasons together.

Tampa Bay United - Would probably help the Glazers with their paperwork.

NFC West

Arizona Gooding Jr. Ok, so Larry Fitzgerald may be the most famous Wide Receiver in Arizona now…

San Francisco 89ers - They were really good then.

Seattle 5-yard penalties - I’ve checked the rules; having a 12th man is illegal. You’d think they’d try to hide it.

St. Louis Afterthoughts - A little unfair considering their ‘greatest show on turf’ credentials but, in a league of what-have-you-done-for-me-lately and as the last team on this list, it seems apt.

Worth the Money

Floyd Mayweather has just defeated Juan Manuel Marquez on points. Such a statement does little to display the disparity between the pair. Marquez, a talented and durable fighter, was outclassed, dismantled and dispatched with style by the oh so pretty boy Floyd.

Mayweather was the artist, Marquez the canvas. The Mexican did well to endure 12 rounds and played his part in the absorbing and engaging spectacle but the focus was on the returning showman as he dotted his opponent with jabs, drew blood with a strike to the nose and brushed Marquez' shots aside.

21 months absence did little to dent his confidence, limit his precision, slow his electric hand speed or add uncertainty to his footwork. 'Money' Mayweather was at his hypnotic, ridiculous best.

Pacquiao. Cotto. Mosley. Three possible opponents. One probable result.