The 12-hour NFL Preview (For all the people in Savannah, Georgia. You know who you are)

Oh look, another sport ready to blossom as the autumn leaves begin to shake. Goody.

But this ain't tiddlywinks, bowls or even curling. This is the N-F-F'ing-L! Football is back and, to commemorate the commencement of another season of Gridiron, the Beta Blogger (yeah, I'm comfortable referring to myself in the third person, if Chad can do it, so can I) is going to blog for 12 hours straight about everything that's happened since Superbowl XLIII. My self imposed schedule only allows pauses for occasional bathroom breaks, sporadic mounds of junk food, intermittent periods of inner monologues and the odd, casual, 80 minute power nap.

So, lets get started.

If the new season is about to begin, that means the off-season/'hockey, baseball, basketball filler time' has almost finished. So what on earth happened? Well, all the major story lines seemed to center around Quarterbacks. You know, those dreamy, talented millionaires that throw the ball and catch the hearts? (apologies to Marc Bulger, Byron Leftwich...) In fact, I'm pretty sure there was at least one major storyline about a prime passer on every team; lets find out...

Brett Favre retired, unretired, retired again, signed up for a retirement home, unsigned up, died his hair four different colours but returned to fox-like silver and finally stole back the word 'schism' from the catholic church. They want it back. If all that was lost on you, he signed for the Minnesota Vikings, arch rivals of the franchise he became a three-time MVP, Superbowl champion and icon for.

Jake Delhomme has been spotted rocking slowly, back and forth on his porch, staring at the birds in the distance.

After some thorough research on my part it seems that photogenic Pats QB Tom Brady missed a few games last year and has since returned. I'll get back to you on the details...

Jay Cutler whinged and whined his way out of Denver and, two draft picks, Kyle Orton and a whole bunch of disgruntled Colorado natives later, landed in Chicago with 'da Bears. He's the best QB they've had since Rex Grossman. And a whole bunch of other guys that makes his signing seem far, far more important but then there's no joke there so don't worry your pretty, little head about that.

JaMarcus Russell came into camp at under 300 bills. I kid you not. Matt Schaub isn't injured yet. That's a fact. Trent Edwards has yet to make T.O cry (or vice versa). No word of a lie. Kyle Orton hasn't been confused with Jay Cutler yet. Not once. Brady Quinn hasn't looked confused at being a Quarterback yet. Not on the field anyway. Jason Campbell has, however, been confused by Jim 'zany' Zorn's coaching methods and his teams desire to bring in just about anybody to replace him.

Drew Brees threw for 0 yards in the postseason and off season combined. How very disappointing.

'Big' Ben Roethlisberger was accused of sexually assaulting a woman at a celebrity golf tournament. Nobody made a single comment about standing tall outside the pocket.

Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco are no longer rookies. Just thought you should know.

Michael Vick returned to civilian life from the penal dog house. Bad choice of words? Possibly, but the story of his incarceration has been told and retold to the point of platitude. The new news is that of his signing for Philadelphia, home of brotherly love and disgruntled fellow QB, Donovan McNabb. Apparently no. 5 campaigned for no. 7 to get on board but now feels that Vicks part-time gimmick role interrupts his rhythm. What did he think was going to happen? Vick was going to suffer the ironic fate of becoming team mascot? Not a bad idea that...

Peyton Manning made some commercials. He's got quite good at them now. Hopefully Eli will be one day too.

Arizona's evergreen Kurt Warner got a year older and therefore, technically, a year closer to God.

Three QB's were taken in the first round of the draft; Josh Freeman, who will be a back up in Tampa, Mark Sanchez, who will be a starter and pin up in Jersey and Matthew Stafford, who will be taking a beating in Detroit.

Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson broke up. Makes you wonder if anything in this world is sacred and forever and beautiful and bla bla bla...

Chad Eightfive tried to room with Carson Palmer. Mrs Palmer was less than impressed.

Aaron Rodgers looked really, really, really good in the preseason and hasn't returned any of Brett Favre's phone calls.

Matt Cassel, an overnight sensation up in New England (and Bernard Pollard fan for life - the guy that injured Brady), was traded to Kansas City and subsequently signed a six-year $63million contract. Eli Manning (six-years, $97.5million) and Phillip Rivers (six-years, $92million) also signed new deals and have chipped in a few bucks to help Cassel out at this unfortunate time.

While it would be easy to be drunk on all those exorbitant dollar signs and gags, football suffered a sobering moment with the death of former Oilers, Titans and Ravens signal-caller Steve McNair. McNair was shot by his mistress before she turned the weapon on herself. He was a father, a husband, an adulterer and verging on the Hall of Fame. Former long-time NFL and NCAA coach Lou Saban also passed away in far less dramatic circumstances.

Finally, David Garrard, Shaun Hill and Matt Hasselbeck. There. That's one from every team mentioned. Apologies to the last three (and the aforementioned Marc Bulger and Byron Leftwich) but you haven't really done anything and I don't have all day; There's a game starting soon!

In other news, Albert Haynesworth became the $100million man by signing with the Redskins in free agency (and that doesn't include feeding costs), John Madden retired, Tom Cable allegedly smacked an assistant in the mouth to show the Raiders running game how it's done, Plaxico Burress got sentenced to some real hard time and is currently auditioning for the role of 'bitch no.3' in the state prison's talent show, Terrell Owens landed with the Bills and made a T.errible reality series while his former employers, Dallas, built a new stadium that cost $1.2billion, has been a virtual death trap to the constructors and has a humongous HD screen suspended from the roof that is reachable by plane, air balloon or by punted football.

Eric Mangini (Cleveland), Josh McDaniels (Denver), Jim Schwartz (Detroit), Todd Haley (Kansas City), Rex Ryan (New York Jets), Steve Spagnuolo (St. Louis), Jim Mora (Seattle) and Raheem Morris (Tampa Bay) became head coaches of bad teams while Jim Caldwell (Indianapolis) got the top job of a pretty good team after Tony Dungy retired. Dungy has recently turned down the chance to understudy the Pope after a scheduling conflict.

Here's a list of week 1 match-ups and predictions (winners in bold);

Titans at Steelers - The Superbowl champs play the NFL's best record of last season. Unfortunately, due to injury, might not be the much-publicised 'Nate Washington Bowl.'

Dolphins at Falcons - Two overachievers and playoff teams from 08' battle for the right to not be the biggest underachievers of week 1.

Broncos at Bengals - Might not be a pretty game but could be vital if either franchise are to mount a challenge in their respective divisions this year.

Vikings at Browns - Brett Favre against...whoever’s at quarterback for Cleveland. We don't know yet. Bad sign. Breaking News: It's going to be Brady Quinn. Like I said, bad sign.

Jaguars at Colts - The Jags will be desperate to get back to their 07' form while the Colts will hope for business as usual under a new coach.

Lions at Saints - Put it this way, the Lions have won 1, yes, just 1, of their last 24 games. The Saints are looking for their defence to step up and take them to the next level.

Cowboys at Buccaneers - The Bucs are in a major transitional phase while the Cowboys, without T.O's amateur dramatics, have to win now if Wade Phillips is to retain his job.

Eagles at Panthers - Might have, had it not been for the Jake Delhomme meltdown, been the NFC Championship Game. Both have high expectations again this year.

Chiefs at Ravens - By god the Ravens looked good in preseason. Don't fancy the Chiefs offense on day 1.

Jets at Texans - The biggest slight on the Texans is that Rex Ryan hasn't even tried to start a fight with any of them yet.

Redskins at Giants - If either team are to match their potential, they will have to get production out of a young group of Wide Receivers. Big year for Jim Zorn and Jason Campbell.

49ers at Cardinals - An early test for both team's credentials. Maybe the hardest pick'em as well if the two coaches squared off in a fight.

Rams at Seahawks - I've just got a feeling that this could be really, really ugly for the Rams. Seattle should show marked improvement from last year's 4-12, injury devastated season.

Bears at Packers - Maybe the most intriguing of divisions kicks off with all eyes on the Cutler-lead Bears offense and Dom Capers new look 3-4 Packer defence.

Bills at Patriots - Fred Jackson! Sammy Morris! Bills! Patriots! Monday Night Football!

Chargers at Raiders - The Raider sideshow never gets old. Unless you're a Raider fan. Shawn Merriman would fit in perfectly...Here's how I see the divisions playing out;

AFC East

Patriots (11-5) - The best team not to make the playoffs last year and won 11 games with a QB who hadn't started since kindergarten. Concerns about an ageing defence have been replaced with concerns about a unknown defence after the many of the faces of the franchise were either traded or chose to retire. But Brady's back and he still has Moss and Welker... and Gisele.

Dolphins (8-8) - A tougher schedule and far fewer aghast and surprised looking defensive coordinators (due to the Wildcat no longer being 'what was that?' and more 'not that again'). This team struggled to run the ball down the stretch, has a limp armed albeit savvy QB and was crushed by the Ravens in the playoffs. Much may depend on two of the best players of 2006 - Jason Taylor and Joey Porter.

Jets (6-10) - Rex Ryan embodies what this team will be about; brash, aggressive and slow to get up. Mark Sanchez will be under center and aiming to become the next Derek Jeter (with the girls and the rings and the millions and the adoration...) but it's the run game that will have to fund this team's success, much in the manner of Ryan's Ravens of last year.

Bills (5-11) - That O-Line is more porous than 'insert joke here' (I'm currently going with T.O's brain but I'm looking to upgrade) while the T.O thing is ready to blow up at any time. T.O signed. T.O. T.O. T.O!!!

AFC South

Colts (11-5) - Their record of 12+ win season stops here. Just. Jim Caldwell still has Peyton Manning. He still has Reggie Wayne. He now has Anthony Gonzalez. They're all friends. Isn't that lovely? Donald Brown should help the run game return to prominence but the bigger concern is likely to revolve around the defence.

Titans (10-6) - No more fat Albert and the constant suspicion of whether Vince Young is trying to poison Kerry Collins' drinking water detract from a 13-3 team that has depth in every position except receiver.

Texans (9-7) - Will they finally become a playoff team? Can Matt Schaub stay healthy? Can Andre Johnson lead my fantasy football team to success? All these questions are closely linked.

Jaguars (8-8) - There is no way they can be as troubled on and off the field as last year but the might still struggle offensively with young players on the line, limited options in the passing game and the loss of Fred Taylor. MJD/Merlin/Pocket Hercules has his coach's career on his shoulders and, if you've seen Jack Del Rio recently, that's a tall and overweight order.

AFC North

Ravens (11-5) - Would be in the running for a Superbowl if they didn't wait until 5th-down to the throw the ball but defensively....gaah...wow...they hit, they hurt, they could all be charged with assault by the end of the year.

Steelers (10-6) - The returning Superbowl champions return the majority of starters but if they want to return to the playoffs, must return to their running game of old.

Bengals (8-8) - Uncompetitive? Child please! Coles, Henry and, our sponsor, Chad Ochocinco should be a dynamic passing trio for the returning Carson Palmer. If Marvin Lewis can't motivate this defence, he will be fired.

Browns (3-13) - I didn't think they'd be very good last year. I stand pat on that prediction.

AFC West

Chargers (10-6) - It seems that every year, the Chargers are favourites for the whole thing and I've seen them ordained elsewhere already. Merriman is back, Larry English will help off the edge, Gates is healthy, Tomlinson could be bound for a comeback year and Phillip Rivers is on the cusp of becoming an elite quarterback. But they still have Norv Turner and, therefore, will lose in the playoffs.

Broncos (7-9) - Quite the off season for Josh McDaniels. Pre-Cutler, many were surprised that a 33-year old offensive-minded coach replaced one of the most successful coaches of recent times on a team that has been atrocious defensively for a couple of years. Post-Cutler and pending Marshall-gate 2009, McDaniels has a Bush-like approval rating and far too many hyphenated paragraphs in association with him. This O-Line is still pretty good.

Chiefs (7-9) - Matt Cassel was very good last year. Todd Haley did an impressive job. Scott Pioli is intimately linked to the Pats success of this decade. Doesn't mean it's all going to work out but anything has to be better than Herm Edwards.

Raiders (5-11) - It's the Raiders; You could read anything here and probably believe it.

NFC East

Giants (10-6) - No Plaxico, no problem? Far from it. The G-men are desperate for a leading receiver and are also suffering from some injuries up front.

Eagles (10-6) - A trendy Superbowl pick but injuries on defence, particularly to linebacker and leader Stewart Bradley, the Vick factor and my own personal doubts about Andy Reid (who should invest in a watch) keep me from pushing them that far. I might also be the only person not convinced that Maclin, Jackson and McCoy are going to be offensive behemoths in the coming season.

Cowboys (9-7) - Another team with trouble at receiver; Roy 'there's-no-way-I-could-do-anything-to-match-what-they-paid-for-me' Williams has looked good in the exhibition season but has little support. What they do have is a trio of decent backs and more importantly, no T.O and no Jessica. Maybe those two could get together? Would the world end if that happened?

Redskins (7-9) - I'm not the only one that thinks the Redskins will be better this year. The problem is that, even if they are better, that might not make them good enough in the beastly East.

NFC South

Saints (10-6) - Quite simply, the more phenomenal Drew Brees' stats are, the more problems this team has. If he has to throw for 50,000 yards then the defence isn't playing great and, in this division, if you can't stop the run, you're toast.

Falcons (9-7) - Trading for Tony Gonzalez was a masterstroke, as was drafting Matt Ryan and signing Michael Turner. The franchise has turned the corner after Bobby Petrino and Mike Vick left town and should be competitive for years to come although this defence was protected by their fast starts a year ago and hasn't improved too much over the summer.

Panthers (6-10) - 5 Interceptions. 1 Fumble Lost. Defeat in the NFC Divisional Playoffs. At home. After a 12-4 season. On your birthday? And I thought I didn't like birthdays. Jake Delhomme and the whole Panther fanbase has to recover from that heartache but John Fox's team is notoriously poor in odd years and they've had some limiting injuries already.

Buccaneers (4-12) - As much of a rebuilding season as can be imagined. As long as Raheem Morris can keep the likes of Josh Freeman, Derrick Ward, Kellen Winslow and Antonio Bryant happy (the defence should all be onside for their former DB coach) in addition to his assistants, then they can develop for next year.

NFC North

Packers (11-5) - The only team in the division returning the same QB as last year may have the best. 1st, 2nd and 3rd quarter improvements on defence and 4th quarter on offense will lead them playoff bound.

Vikings (10-6) - Aaron Rodgers he ain't but Brett Favre has to be better than T-Jack and anybody called Sage right? Hardly matters when you have their D and AP.

Bears (8-8) - Cutler has never had a winning season and has nobody to throw to. I don't mean to dampen expectations for 'da Bears but I can't really understand all the optimism regarding this team.

Lions (4-12) - Can't be any worse than last year. New QB, new coach, new optimism? Unfortunately, this is the Lions we are talking about. Somehow, in a rebuilding phase, this team maintains a high average age and a low level of quality.

NFC West

Seahawks (11-5) - Dominated the division before last years mulligan and should return to form under new coach Mora Jr. Playoffs?! His dad would be proud...

Cardinals (8-8) - How do you follow up the best year in the Franchise's NFL history? You don't. Matt Leinart should start a few games this year because no way can Warner stay healthy for 16 games.

49ers (7-9) - Mike Singletary wants winners. Michael Crabtree wants dollars. Frank Gore and Glen Coffee, due to split time at running back, need some kind of cop drama show.

Rams (4-12) - Not much to say. They're not very good. Donnie Avery is a decent cheap fantasy sleeper. That's about it. Ok, Steven Jackson isn't terrible. And Jason Smith should help the line. Chris Long could develop this year. Spagnuolo appears to be competent. Oh god. I nearly talked myself into the Rams...

A few more predictions;

AFC Championship Game - New England v Pittsburgh

NFC Championship Game - Green Bay v New Orleans

MVP - Drew Brees (Saints)

Offensive Player - Aaron Rodgers (Packers)

Defensive Player - Mario Williams (Texans)

Offensive Rookie - Knowshon Moreno (Broncos)

Defensive Rookie - Aaron Curry (Seahawks)

Overachiever - Ray Rice (Ravens)

Underachiever - Deangelo Williams (Panthers)

Breakout Stars - Brandon Meriweather (Patriots), Julian Edelman (Patriots), Jermichael Finlay (Packers), B.J Raji (Packers), Tramon Williams (Packers), Michael Oher (Ravens), Haloti Ngata (Ravens), Quintin Mikell (Eagles), Greg Olsen (Bears), Glenn Dorsey (Chiefs), Chris Henry (Bengals), Keith Rivers (Bengals), Jason Jones (Titans), Melvin Bullitt (Colts), Michael Griffin (Titans), Zach Miller (Raiders), Robert Meachem (Saints), Pierre Thomas (Saints), Malcolm Kelly (Redskins), Laron Landry (Redskins), Glen Coffee (49ers), James Davis (Browns), Rashard Mendenhall (Steelers), Lawrence Timmons (Steelers), David Harris (Jets), Antoine Cason (Chargers), Jerious Norwood (Falcons), Chris Collinsworth (NBC).

The best player to not win an Award - Troy Polamalu (Steelers)/Ed Reed (Ravens). God I love them safeties.

The gone but not forgotten Award - Jim Johnson (Eagles Defensive Coordinator). Much, much missed.

The veteran that could return to former glories Award - Edgerinn James (Seahawks). A hunch and nothing more.

The 'Chad Pennington' proof that arm strength really IS that important in the NFL Award - Matthew Stafford (Detroit). For the right reasons. Brady Quinn (Browns). For the wrong reason.

The topical analysis Award - Whoever first references Lendale White's weight loss and Shawne Merriman's girlfriend in the same breath. Here's a clue. Tequila.

The 'Brett Favre' Award for mercurial QB play - Jay Cutler (Bears). It won't always be good but it will be exciting.

The 'Brett Favre' Award for fading down the stretch - Chris Johnson (Titans). Way, way too quick for his own good.

The 'Brett Favre' Award for not/maybe/definitely coming back next year - Brett Favre (Vikings). He had to win one of these, he was the heavy favourite.

The 'Michael Vick' Award for worst ratio of column inches to productivity - Brett Favre (Vikings). Wait, what? He certainly wasn't favourite for this one.

The 'Lane Kiffin' Award for first coach to be axed - Tom Cable (Raiders). My second favourite would be his replacement.

The game I'm most looking forward to - Favre at Lambeau, Vikings at Packers on November 1st. Call me sentimental but, even with the pandemic of over exposure to 'Favre Watch,' this is a big deal.

Please get this guy a new contract - Brandon Marshall (Broncos). To stop the distractions. Vince Wilfork (Patriots). One of the finest young NT in the league and surely the reason they felt comfortable trading Richard Seymour. Kevin Walter (Texans). You'll thank me later. Jahri Evans (Saints). Arguably the best guard in the league after Steve Hutchinson. Marcus McNeill (Chargers)/Jared Gaither (Ravens). Two very talented LT's which, by the way, aren't easy to come by.

Best Free Agent crop of 2010 - Linebackers. Yes, some of these players will get signed up before they hit the market but imagine if they don't...Demarcus Ware (Cowboys), Shawne Merriman (Chargers), Karlos Dansby (Cardinals), Kirk Morrison (Raiders), Thomas Howard (Raiders), Demeco Ryans (Texans), Thomas Davis (Panthers), Derrick Johnson (Chiefs), Barrett Ruud (Buccaneers), D'Qwell Jackson (Browns).

Certain 2010 NFL Draft No.10 Picks - Sam Bradford (QB, Oklahoma), Colt McCoy (QB, Texas), Ndamukong Suh (DT, Nebraska), Russel Okung (Oklahoma State).

Most interesting potential 1st Round 2010 NFL Draft Picks - Tim Tebow (Florida), Jermaine Gresham (Oklahoma), Taylor Mays (USC), C.J Spiller (Clemson).

Team that picks no.1 in the 2010 NFL Draft - Cleveland Browns

Team that picks no.32 in the 2010 NFL Draft and wins Superbowl XLIV - .....hmmm....games about to start....Al Michaels is warming up....Chris Johnson is stretching....should really have thought of this earlier....I've already changed my mind a few times.........

I think it could be Green Bay. Poetic justice for Favre signing for the Vikings. Can the defence really adjust to the 3-4 in one off season? At least they have the receivers, plus Ryan Grant could be in for a comeback year after dipping last term and home field could be big for them should they make the playoffs. I want to change my mind. I won't. It's the Pack. Or Pats. Or Steelers again. Maybe it's the Eagles or Chargers or Giants after all.

I may have to update this when I haven't been staring at a computer screen for half a day.