How do you solve a problem like Big Papi?

An ode to a hero of the Red Sox' two recent World Series triumphs who, a long time a go in a season not quite forgotten, actually hit 54 home runs.

To the tune of 'How do you solve a problem like Maria' from the Sound of Music

How do you solve a problem like Big Papi?
How do you get him to hit the homer?
How do you find the form that means Big Papi?
A swing of the bat
A roar of the crowd
A run!

Many a pitch you'd like to him to hit
Many a time he ought to walk to first
But how do you make him great?
And return to his former state?
Why did the bubble have to burst?

Oh how do you solve a problem like Big Papi...
How can his season get any worse...

Alternate Ending:

Oh how do you solve a problem like Big Papi...
How do you turn his .304 slugging percentage and .196 batting average into anything remotely respectable for the love of god.